Pain

I haven’t written in a while, it sucks! I use to be so passionate about writing. I thought it was my way of telling the world that no one is alone; somehow this year, I’ve felt alone. To be blunt, I still do feel alone. I’m emotional, but somehow I never ever come to terms with my feelings. I’ve learnt the hard way what I need to do to change my life. I’ve grown mentally but sometimes still struggle to reach my “path”. I’m only in high school which is funny, because for a person this young I’ve had my fair share of mental pain. All in all, this isn’t an excuse. 

One of the many things I’ve learnt is that I have stop making bs excuses for my actions. I wanted to write and post this because telling people my emotions is easier than facing them alone. I know so many people who go through the same stress as I do. It’s honestly sad, the amount of people who go through so much stress. For what, a good grade? A “good” SAT/ACT score? Friends? What is stress? I looked it up and Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as a: a force exerted when one body or body part presses on, pulls on, pushes against, or tends to compress or twist another body or body part b: the deformation caused in a body by such a force c: a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation

d: a state resulting from a stress;  especially, one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium. 

There are 4 different definitions, so I guess we never get an actual answer. Anyway continuing on from all this smart ass talk, I am stressed. I am in a state resulting from mental tension from factors that alter an existing equilibrium. Ya, I wasn’t quite done with the smart ass talk. This year has been one of the hardest years I’ve had, I did not show it, but it was hard as a rock; one of those really really old rocks that has been here since the dinosaurs and is indestructible. As of this moment, writing this has made me realize how crappy I feel, to say the least. I know I use to be all sunshine and positivity; part of me still very much is, and it’s the only part I show people. I don’t exactly know why I am so frustrated, sad, and angry. I go through a lot of pressure, like many people of my age who go to high school, and somehow that has never gotten to me like it has this year. Mentally, I changed, I got tired of people who treated me like crap and then made me apologize; I got tired of making excuses for my actions; I got tired for not trying hard enough; I got tired of people putting unnecessary pressure and setting unrealistic expectations; I got tired of never being happy. As you can read, I probably didn’t sleep that much to be this tired. LOL. I actually slept good this year. Next year, I hope to make a change! I hope to put my mental health first, to stop making excuses, to feel good about the small victories, and to continue to surround myself with people who make me feel good. Life always gets better, no matter what you are going through. Like I said, the positive me is still there. I know a lot of people are going through different things and I’m always here to talk. Talking about your pain and feelings is the first step and it’s one of the only things you can control. Feel free to email me if you need jokes or advice!! Always stay sunny guys.

Summer Summer Summer -- I'M BACK

Hey guys it's been a while! Summer has passed me by in a flash and I'm disappointed in myself for not writing to you guys. This blog is something I'm really passionate about and wish to continue to the best of my abilities. I guess what I'm trying to say is I have to make time for writing, it has to be a routine. There is so much that went on in summer and I've grown as a person, no not in height sadly but maturity wise. I've learned more about myself and what I am capable of. We all are capable of more than we know but if you are like me you put it at the back of your mind. When I hear my mom say, "Adhya you are capable of so much" I ignore it just thinking it's my mom just saying nice things, which is rare. NO I'M TOTALLY JOKING MY MOM IS THE SWEETEST :))). Anyway what I'm saying is once you learn more about yourself you start to understand what you truly are capable of. I never thought I could adjust so well to a new environment when I went to JHU. I never knew I could take care of myself like that and face my responsibilities. I went to the library and actually studied and I felt good about myself. There is so much that we can do and it's time we actually accepted that. I learned that if I actually put my mind to something I can do it and be good at it. It's hard to realize that without a little shove from people but with good people they will literally push you until you do realize it by yourself. They will always support you and back you and that is so important. It's important to surround yourself with such people. I met this amazing group of friends at JHU and they taught me how once you find the right people, you'll have them forever. I want to thank them because they showed me that I can be loved for my loud personality and constant littiness. LOL that's not a word but you get what I mean. As you can see I did a lot this summer, OMG before I forget I went to Spain. I also learned that I can speak better Spanish than I thought. I spoke almost every day and it was awesome because I got exposure to this beautiful culture. I love the latin culture because gosh they know how to enjoy life and have fun. I want to go back and stay for a longer time because there is so much more to experience. There is so much to life to experience, I don't think you can ever stop experiencing new things. This summer I've collected so many memories and I hope to take those with me and use them to make myself a better person. I promise to write more and I won't break it. Hope you guys have a fabulous day.

P.S
shoutout to my JHU friends because I love them and they are probably some of the most amazing ambitious people I've met. I am so fortunate to have found such amazing people and within the two weeks of knowing each other they are people I don't want to lose. So hope you guys are doing well and I miss you guys :) 

Find your Neverland :)

As you step into the sun, you feel the change from cold to warm

like you are in bed with a cozy blanket.

You stand there, basking in the glorious sunlight and close your eyes

only for a moment.

All of a sudden you hear a smoothe jazz song, almost like Miles Davis

is performing in front of you.

It’s a simple song but couldn’t be more full of life.

As you drift to the song you can’t help but smell the fresh coffee.

Your senses are overwhelmed by the noise, smell, and feel of the sun

but you are at peace.

You find your escape in warmth of the sun, sound of jazz, and smell of

fresh coffee.

All that is bad disappears when you open your eyes to a new world.

A world filled with people who support you, people who love you, and

most important of all people who listen to you.

The world is not what it was and in that moment you realize it was your choice.

Hey guys, I know I haven’t written in a while and it’s because I forgot how freeing it was to write. I almost forgot how much I enjoyed it. For a while now, I’ve been incredibly stressed with school and trying to keep my grades up but also do well in sports. This poem is one that is very personal because these are all the things that I find my escape in. The sweet sound of Miles Davis and other Jazz musicians and the smell of coffee all wrapped up with the warmth of the sun. I chose to put stress on myself and I realized that writing and expressing my thoughts were my escape to all the bundled up stress. I chose to keep it bundled up and not let it go and now that I have I cannot tell you the amount of weight that has been lifted off my shoulders, that is of course metaphorically. Now what’s the point to all of this? Good question, because I don’t know….. JUST KIDDING. The point is to make sure that you find your escape to all your bundled up feelings. They shouldn’t be something that you ignore because eventually they will all catch up to you and that feeling is heart wrenching. Through whatever you can make sure you find your escape and keep it with you. You never know when you will need it. It’s your happy place and no one should ever destroy that, especially not you. Stay kind my loves and have a wonderful day. :)

New year here we come.

Time truly does fly, 2016 passed by like a high speed train. For many 2016 has been a year of bad decisions, terrible experiences, and bad memories; for others it has been the complete opposite. Whether you had amazing experiences or terrible ones or just in the middle, it is important to keep the good memories and if you truly had none then create new ones; make 2017 the best of the best. It is a new year and like I say, live in the present. Whatever happened in the past happened, the ability to move on is extremely important. To me 2016 was a mixture of sad and happy times. From everything the world has been through just in 2016 is terrifying, from the bomb in paris to the very recent christmas market accident. Although I’m happy because the world is getting stronger, we are preparing ourselves and although all these events are devastating they are something that we are all going to learn from. What kills us does make us stronger, the world is something that we should cherish. Many people have very different experiences in the world, for example the Syrian refugees to 1st world countries. We are grateful for different things but all grateful for being able to have life on earth. I cannot begin to understand life for those who struggle everyday to put food on the table or those who sacrifice all to take care of their children. Those who live a life like this are amazingly brave, I admire what you do to provide for yourself or for your children. 2017 is going to be revolutionary as we go into a new beginning filled with more chances and more experiences. I think that 2017 is going to be great, we should start it off with a positive attitude. Every single day should be filled with better experiences and more knowledge. Make every day count, because that’s how you make a year, even a month great. Most of all be happy and conquer everything in the past that made you unhappy. Focus on the good, focus on making every day better because when you look back on how the year was that’s what you are going to notice. You are going to notice the good or bad experiences so make every experience great. Make your 2017 just a little brighter, happier, and filled with more good experiences. I hope all of you have an amazing 2017 and the many years to come ahead. I learned so much in 2016 that I will use to make my 2017 that much better. Remember to be kind and be happy because in the end that is what matters. :)

PINK

Like a summer evening breeze in California

You can feel the wind touch your skin and it envelops you in a warm brisk hug.

Your mind is conquered by one thought, the everlasting picture you painted with the breeze.

Some may say that it's nothing but bland or basic, not realizing it's so much more. 

It is gorgeous and luscious, it's soft but bold at the same time. 

The stronger it gets the more confidence it has. 

It's a symbol to stay strong and be confident, although it has it's shyer hues. 

Mixture of something so pure like white ivory and a bold feather of a red macaw. 

Everyone wishes for the confidence that it encompasses. 

A statement piece and a subtle sense of uniqueness. 

You fall in love with it and all that embodies it. 

You realize how much you find yourself in it and the beauty you have. 

Day by day you get new reasons why it is so beautiful.

The amount of joy that it brings you and how much more confidence you having it. 

You cannot smile brighter. 

Everyday you look at yourself and think the same way it does. 

Suddenly the color pink engulfs you with everything it has. 

I chose to write about this color because I wanted to represent Breast Cancer month. I think it's so important to realize how much power the color pink has, it embodies the amount of strength that the survivors and fighters have. I look up to those that take on the fight everyday of being faced with such a horrible thing. Although it is bad, it gives us a chance to really reflect on life and gives those not dealing with this a different perspective on life. Breast cancer happens to many around us and can even happen to us one day although I think staying positive really leads you into a happier life. I cannot stress this more when I say that pink is the best color to represent this. Pink embodies the amount of courage, beauty, and perseverance that these people exhibit day to day. Those who are dealing with this, stay strong because you are beautiful and although at the moment it may be hard and you don't want to fight anymore but this fight is worth it. You have a community dedicated to helping and a whole entire month for you to be reminded how much you mean to the world. I strongly encourage people to love pink because it portrays the community that has been built to help people with breast cancer. I have never had the experience of breast cancer but many have and I've seen them win this fight. But no matter what, you will always be the winner because your legacy will carry on in the heart of the community. You keep fighting and winning because in the end you are pink. 

The Symbol of Smiles and Search for Happiness.

Your cheeks hurt from the emotion on your face.

A shining glow, the type only achieved by such an emotion.

Such a small symbol that speaks so loudly.

You almost go blind and deaf from the everlasting symbol glued to your face.

This symbol representing everything you stand for in one bundle of joy.

A light in the darkest of times, and the only thing you would ever want glued to your face.

Signalling all who are close to show this symbol too because you know that it will have an effect on them.

A good effect, one that keeps you warm and safe.

A shield, fighting all that is evil and bad, driving away pessimism is it’s job.

Suddenly, in a whirlwind of events your symbol is lost.

Your protection gone and you are left vulnerable.  

Afraid you will never find it again you start in this never ending cycle of despair.

Afraid your light, your voice, something you hold so dear to you will never be found.

Forever lost in a world so large and you don’t know how to speak anymore.

It was your voice.

It was your symbol.

But my friends you will take that symbol back again.

You will rise on top.

You will have a voice again.

You will be contagious and full of nothing but joy.

You will always be warm and safe.

Your protection will come and although it may get lost again you will always find it.

You will always find happiness.

I want you guys to remember no matter what happens, you will always be able to find happiness. Yes, sometimes you may not have it for a longer time and it feels like you are never going to be happy again, but YOU WILL. Never give up on being happy with yourself and what you are doing. Life isn’t always easy and there are so many challenges you have been through and will go through but the best thing you can always do it be happy. Look for happiness in small things because it will lead to overall happiness. Remember you can never be too happy. Be kind and smile :)

Great Way to End Summer.

Summer is coming down to it's last wonderful, fun-filled days! This year I will be attending my first year of high school. I KNOW AH! I'm looking forward to it though; I know it will be filled with new experiences and even more exciting opportunities. By talking to a wide variety of people this summer I learned a lot about myself and what I'm want to do in the future. I learned that self-worth is not measured by the grade you get but by how you study and carry yourself if you do not get the grade you wanted. In our society grades have been talked about the wrong way, as in making kids believe that grades determine how successful you will be in life. Although getting good grades in an important aspect in life, it isn't everything. It's one thing to do well in studies but it's another to be able to know your strengths. I'm not the best at tests and at first that was hard to accept. I know I will get better, by studying harder and making sure that I know that grades don't determine self-worth. Yes, grades are important but you need to be able to fail in order to do better. "Only those who dare to fail greatly, ever achieve greatly" - Robert Kennedy. People who are amazing at tests might not be great at public speaking, and that's their weakness. Eventually they will work on that too, because let's be real, everyone has a weakness. You will always have someone better than you at something, but that doesn't mean they are better than you at everything. This not only applies to school but life in general. Excuse me, for I'm about to use the most cliche quote ever! "Nobody is perfect". Which is cliche but also very true, it's hard for many people to realize this and many need to be told multiple times. You can try and think about the most perfect person and you will find one thing they can always improve on. Improvement will always be there because there is ALWAYS something that you can be greater at.

Not only was this a big thing that I learned this summer, but so was finding my uniqueness and special sparks. Everybody has many special qualities, and deserves to have the confidence in them. So go ahead, yes you, and name 5 amazing things about you and comment below. I want you all to realize the sparks in you that make you oh so special. "Cause there's a spark in you. You just got to ignite the light, and let it shine" - Katy Perry's words of wisdom. No, but really comment :) it will make my day and yours, guaranteed, have the confidence to admit to yourself that you slay everyday. Anyway, to inspire you to comment I will name a few that I believe make me special: I can create a conversation with different age groups, I am kind and generous and believe in second chances and new beginnings, and I will be there for anyone who needs a friend because I love helping people. These are a few things that I've been able to find confidence in, because I believe that it's something that makes me who I am. I've been taught by many people to love me for me, regardless of grades, beauty (everyone is beautiful), achievement of others, and flaws. I'm excited for this new chapter in my life to "ignite that light" because I know and believe that I will do something great. I've surrounded myself with an amazing community and I encourage everyone to do the same. Find people who not only see the special sparks but help increase your confidence in them and support you throughout life. It's important to be able to know boundaries and be happy with yourself. I hope that people do comment and tell me their sparks, because then I will know that I helped you realize the most special parts that make you, you. Find yourself, believe in yourself and most importantly enjoy life :) .